I just had an incredible time with my dad. We went with my school to England and Scotland for a few weeks. It was technically a study trip, but in my mind it was a daddy/daughter getaway. I’m so thankful for those days…I had him all to myself. We laughed and talked and read and saw beautiful places and heard inspiring stories of saints, past and present. It was wonderful. We made three top 10 lists of memories—the best, the worst (for example, when I fell down on an escalator with a bunch of luggage—yikes!), and the funniest. I’d post them here, but I think for the most part you had to be there. Anyway, there is one scenario I have to share…it actually wasn’t even on a top 10 list, but it’s one that the Lord used to speak to me.
The group was traveling by bus one day, and this guy, who is a father of four kids (ages 7 to 14) asked my dad and I for advice on how to stay strong as a family during the teenage years. He said a couple of his kids aren’t much on family time these days and that he’s struggling to find a balance between disciplining them yet still creating the type environment they would want to hang out in. I was humbled by the question right off the bat, considering I’m not a parent yet. He has a love for those four kids that I’ve not yet known. He has a responsibility for them that I am yet to have. Plus, all families are so different and I barely know this man, much less his family, so how could I begin to speak to his question? OK, so maybe he really just wanted to hear from my dad, but posed the question to both of us to be polite. I don’t know.
At any rate, I piped up and made sure he understood the main reason I loved hanging out with my parents even at 16. I knew they loved me. I never doubted their respect for me. There was no question of their desire for me to do well. They even thought I was cool. They took interest in whatever my sister and I were all about at the time. They opened their home to our friends night after night. They always had my back and my best interest at heart. I knew all of this because they told me so and they lived up to those words…day after day, to this day, for that matter.
This is where I’m convinced of Cooley’s Looking-Glass Self, a sociological concept that concludes that a person views him/herself through others’ perceptions and in turn, gains identity. So, identity is the result of the concept in which we learn to see ourselves as others do. The looking-glass self is strongest at childhood, but continues throughout life. Practically speaking, my parents would say to me, “I will always be proud of you,” “You are a light to those around you,” and so forth. Now, I know for sure that there were plenty of times that I acted in ways that did not make them proud (and I can testify to their diligence to punish—that’s for another story). Even still, at the end of the day, they would be pouring into me words of love and affirmation. “You are an incredible girl.” “God has his hand on you and is using you.” Over time, I began to believe that what they were saying was true. (I want to make my point without constant disclaimers, but I should probably communicate at this point that I never thought I was indeed the queen of the world when my parents told me I was a princess. Sometimes Satan’s lies make kids so far from understanding the love of a parent, and eventually the love of Christ, that I propose a million reminders of such love is not a bad thing.)
Now, I said in the beginning that this is about the gospel. Perhaps obvious at this point, please bear with me…Christians in all stages—little babes in Christ…and those who have walked with him for years, find identity by listening to the Father. We believe what God says about his children is true. All throughout Scripture are God-breathed statements revealing the nature of the believing heart…
“You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you…if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who lives in you…Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”
Amazing how much truth is packed into those few verses in Romans 8. Praise God for a Bible full of examples! This particular chapter, however, has proved to be so powerful to me. When I am tempted to fall into various types of sin, I recall these verses, remembering that because of my changed nature, I am no longer obligated to fulfill the desires of the flesh. I am free from that which leads to guilt and hurt and ultimately death! There are things I don’t think or say or carry out because it’s not who I am! On the other hand, there are plenty of things I do think, say, and do because of the obligation (the joyful obligation) to the Spirit life, which leads to a life that looks like Jesus’…oh, how dependent I am on God to live this truth!
The identity of the believer—every decision, attitude, facial expression, thought, idea, word—everything goes back to what the Father says about his children. There is a plumb line of perfection, which is not intended to promote fear, but a sound mind. Listening to what God says about his church leads to a brokenhearted boldness in the adventures of this life. More time in his Word leads to a better understanding of the Father and his love for his children which leads to fewer identity crises. “Identity crisis” may be a bit intense, but seriously, how easy (apart from God’s Word) is it to compromise and waver in thoughts and decisions? It’s amazing the confidence in Christ and the freedom from self that comes with each encounter with the Lord.
OK, before I go, just a couple more sweet words from Scripture…
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us for our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.”
Psalm 103:8-13
“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”
Isaiah 43:25
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!...No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him…Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.”
1 John 3:1, 6, 21-24
Blessings to you, friends!
*a note—I don’t propose Cooley’s as gospel truth. Praise God for situations where children rise up out of situations that are anything but encouraging and shatter the looking-glass self. There can surely be stronger principles in play than social influences, and I am fully confident that God will draw those whom he has called. I just find the theory instrumental in understanding part of what it means to be a child of God. How wonderful that even when family fails, there is always an account of God's passionate pursuit and love for his own!
*another note—This started out as a journal entry, but the truth of Luke 8:16 took over me—“No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light.” How often I neglect to share of the mighty truths and works of God, forsaking the fact that Jesus intends for believers to spread his truths as widely as possible. Lord, help us not be silent. Please take my fear of not being able to do justice to your story. Glorify yourself and teach me to trust you. It’s your plan for us to share, and you are always faithful to make a way. Thanks for the blog, Lord, and most of all, for your relentless, merciful love. I will bless your name forever.
